Hey, kids! What day is it?
[You all contribute here by shouting the words, “IT’S DECEMBER 1ST, THE FIRST DAY YOUR FAMILY IS WITHOUT HEALTH AND DENTAL COVERAGE THROUGH YOUR PREVIOUS EMPLOYER AND YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO CARRY IT OVER THROUGH YOUR COBRA PLAN BECAUSE WHO CAN AFFORD OVER $1,100 A MONTH THROUGH COBRA COVERAGE WHEN YOU’RE ONLY COLLECTING UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE AS YOUR INCOME, WHICH IS BETTER THAN NOTHING BUT STILL MUCH LESS THAN HALF OF WHAT YOUR TAKE-HOME PAY WAS WHEN YOU HAD A JOB SO STOP COMPLAINING AND GET ANOTHER JOB YOU LAZY BUM!!! RUSH LIMBAUGH AND HERMAN CAIN SAY THAT’S YOUR FAULT, YOU LOW-CLASS OCCUTARDS!!! SO MAKE SURE YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND DON’T GET SICK!!! YYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!”]
Yes, that’s right kids! Now, feel free to sing along to the song (follow the words below the video as you play the video with the song here):
“There’s no more sick-y time!/There’s no more tooth-y time!/We’re out of that money/Not even a penny/We can get Medicaid!/To cover those in school grade!/But Mom and Dad don’t count/They’ll have to sit and pout!”
Hhhheeeeyyyy, that’s great kids, just wonderful! But you know what? Mom and Dad are gonna do everything they can to find a good health plan outside of COBRA that they CAN afford! [applause] Isn’t that great! [applause] Yes, that’s right, maybe they can make a special arrangement with a very special doctor out there who can fill everyone’s needs! Health, dental, veterinary, the works! Wouldn’t that be great???!!!
Wait! I think something is happen … ing … wait! Oh, you know what, kids, I think Mom and Dad just found someone!!! [applause] Okay, kids, meet Dr. Hackenbush!!!! YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!
Now, wasn’t that fun??? Isn’t he going to be just GREAT!!!??? [rumbling from the audience]
What? What’s that you’re mumbling out there, kids? Wha … Doctor? Doctor My Eye?? Doctor My Eyes??? I don’t understand …