Our children are all at home from school today, which must mean that it’s a holiday.
Our American flag is up in front of our house, but it’s actually (no joke) been up since Martin Luther King Day. It’s kind of a symbolic thing for me — still believing, after all my years, of working toward the “American Dream” of life, liberty, freedom of speech and lawful, peaceful protest, the pursuit of happiness no matter who stands in my way, reaching up from virtually nothing — like unemployment — and making something big and meaningful of myself, making a difference in my little corner of the United States so my World War II veteran father could be proud of me, and leaving that flag up for everyone to see until that happens.
Because that’s what I believe in … that flag, and all that it stands for. And that’s no joke.
Yep, the calendar says it’s Presidents’ Day. So … have a happy one!
It’s days like today, filled with patriotic spirit, that make me think of the classic TV show “All In The Family.” I wish my lovely wife could appreciate that show, there’s just … I don’t know, there’s something about Archie Bunker, I guess, that turns her away. I’m not sure why.
There was nothing more patriotic than those times when Archie would take full advantage of a thing called the Fairness Doctrine (oh, yeah, it’s been a while — how many people remember the Fairness Doctrine?) and appear at the end of one of his local news programs to give an opposing viewpoint on some controversial issue he didn’t agree with from the “radical” TV station’s side.
You know, like this …
Now, I actually had an uncle (through marriage) who kind of reminded me of Archie Bunker. Same kind of beliefs, same favorite chair, same kind of TV watching, same kind of middle-class job that gave him a decent retirement, same kind of tobacco smoking … very similar. I’ve seen that side, lived around it enough. So, hey, I have a certain “appreciation” for the sensibilities of Archie Bunker.
I miss the guy. Were he alive today, I kind of wonder what kinds of things Archie’d say if — given the Fairness Doctrine today (R.I.P.) the way his conservative views were allowed to have free rein when there still WAS such a thing “back in the day” — he still had that chance to appear on any offending station or news channel and let those commie liberal pinkos have it with both barrels!
I’m channeling Archie Bunker … I’m channeling Archie Bunker … I’m channe … ling … zzzzzzzzzzzzzz … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! … oh, sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah, I’m channeling Archie Bunker …
Good evening, everybody, this is, uh, Archie Bunker of, uh, 704 Hauser Street, veteran of the Big War, speaking on behalf of those true Americans who want to wish youse all a happy Presidents’ Day.
Now, uh, this great country of ours here, uh, you see, has had many great presidents through its long and glorious history. Even though a lot of them in the beginning, uh, had long hair and looked like they came right out of the Woodstock Nation, they were still pretty good presidents, you see. They treated their slaves in a, uh, pretty kind and decent way, at least until the presidents kind of started getting away from, uh, that kind of thing and then you had Abraham Lincoln as one of them there, uh, liberal Republicans and he did away with that whole thing. And ever since Sammy Davis Jr., uh, kissed me on the cheek one time I guess you could say that, uh, your Negroes and your other people of color aren’t really so bad.
However, I guess, uh, what I do mind is that we have someone as President in the White House today who it’s been said many times was born in that African country there called Kenyer. And I guess, uh, what I want to say is that the old saying is true: where there’s smoke, there’s a big fire, and if enough people say that this there Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenyer, if all these Intranet places you have out there say he was born in Kenyer then it must be the truth.
Because, I’ll tell ya, as a true red, white and blue American who flies the American flag on every American holiday and on Sundays because this here is God’s country, we need to celebrate all our true red, white and blue American presidents. But we darned well sure be sure they don’t have some weird, foreign-sounding name on those ballots because that’s gotta mean one thing if they’re not named, uh, like your John Smiths or your John Doeses there or your Richard Milhous Nixons there, ya see? I just think on behalf of all patriotic Americans out there on this Presidents’ Day that there’s just no room in the White House for some guy with a name that sounds like he just got off his knees from bowing on some rug, ya see?
And I hope youse all agrees with me. Thank you and goodnight.
Yeah, I miss Archie Bunker. We don’t have enough people in the world today that say those kinds of things, do we?